“I called back and it took a while to sink in. ‘Just so I get this straight, you’re telling me my eldest daughter, Caitlyn, is dead?’ I kept asking. Even saying it now doesn’t feel real.
“I packed a single suitcase and got a one-way flight to London.”
Caitlyn had taken her own life to avoid a detention she received after vodka and a tattoo kit were found in her locker.
“She fixated on this detention, which would have been devastating for her because she was a perfectionist and often anxious about not getting 100 per cent,” says Scott-Lee via Zoom from Toronto.
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He says the pair had a unique father-daughter bond.
“Growing up in Chinese culture, elders and parents always want boys but I was thrilled with daughters.”
The pair attended plays together: “Theatre was a passion and she talked about being a lighting designer or a soundstage manager.”
A career as a music teacher was also on the cards. “She played drums and clarinet and once borrowed a trumpet and taught herself to play.”
Caitlyn also loved hiking with her father in Hong Kong. “She loved nature but always complained about Hong Kong’s heat and humidity,” he laughs.
But what solidified their bond was that they were both autistic.
“There are lots of strengths with neurodiversity, such as creativity and problem-solving, but there are some challenges as well, such as attention focus or social skills,” says Scott-Lee, who was an HSBC neurodiversity ambassador before Caitlyn’s suicide.
After her suicide he created a tribute website in his daughter’s honour.
Caitlyn had independently sought help from a doctor, disclosing her suicidal feelings and depression, but her case was categorised as “low risk” and she was given a follow-up appointment six weeks later in May. She took her own life days later.
“If someone with a history of autism discloses suicide plans, then maybe that person should be seen within 24 hours or at least triage within 24 hours just to make sure they’re OK,” Scott-Lee says, referring to research by Simon Baron-Cohen, Britain’s leading expert on autism, at the University of Cambridge.
“Through [Baron-Cohen’s] research I later discovered that autistic individuals are nine times more likely to die by suicide.”
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He says Caitlyn, like many autistic individuals – and like most teenage girls – was private.
“She didn’t share much with her mother or me. But she found solitude in diaries and wrote in extensive detail in them … more than five years’ worth of detailed thoughts.
“She writes about her anxiety, about thinking about self-harm, and her hope for a diagnosis of anxiety and depression. It’s painful to read.”
Scott-Lee is encouraged by a growing awareness of the importance of neurodiversity. “I think there is a sea change.”
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Helping fuel that change in Hong Kong is Noelle Sinclair, the American founder of DiverseMinds, which helps businesses develop inclusive workplaces.
Her passion for advocating for autistic adults began in Dubai, in the United Arab Emirates, where she established the first autistic support group.
“In addition to mentoring autistic and ADHD teens and adults, I recognised a growing demand for corporate neurodiversity training,” Sinclair says.
As someone who is autistic and has ADHD, Sinclair is aware of the importance of neurodivergent voices being heard and valued within the workplace. She also has two neurodivergent sons.
“But my personal connection to the cause goes beyond just my own experiences,” she says. “After losing a friend, who was also autistic, to suicide, I felt compelled to do more for the neurodivergent community.
“It’s a sad reality that autistics have a higher rate of suicidal ideation and suicide than the general population, and it’s the highest rate of all disability groups.”
At her lowest point, Sinclair – who spent more than 15 years in the corporate world, unaware that she was autistic and had ADHD – says she also contemplated suicide.
“I expended a great deal of mental and physical energy ‘masking’ my traits, without even realising it. Although I excelled in my work and was promoted quickly, I struggled with social communication and constantly felt out of place,” she says.
“Living in a world that didn’t accommodate me and sometimes even worked against me was utterly exhausting.”
If you have suicidal thoughts or know someone who is experiencing them, help is available. In Hong Kong, dial +852 2896 0000 for The Samaritans or +852 2382 0000 for Suicide Prevention Services. In the US, call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or +1 800 273 8255. For a list of other nations’ helplines, see this page.ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7tK%2FMqWWcp51kuaqyxKyrsqSVZLWmrcutn2avlaG5r7HSrGaaqqSesK2xjmxpa21oa4NwtM6wZJqtpJ7AtbXCZquenZ6WtKZ5xqKppatdqMKqr8idnGaan5a%2FpbXNoGSsm5ikvK150q2pnqaXqbWmusSdZJ2dppbAta3TnptmnpGptaa%2B0mapnqufocOmedGaoKyd