Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the much loved Li Qingzhao and the deeply reviled Madam Wang were first cousins! It turns out that Li’s mother and Wang’s father were siblings.

Among English-speakers of European heritage, the word “cousin” refers to multiple blood relations scattered across generations in one’s family tree. For example, a great grandchild of your great-great grandparent could be your “second cousin, once removed”.

In casual speech, however, a cousin is ordinarily understood to mean first cousin – the child of your parent’s sibling.

The word “cousin” isn’t gender- or age-specific, nor does it indicate exactly how you and your cousin are related, beyond the fact that both of you share one set of grandparents.

The Chinese have a larger set of words to describe familial relationships, with at least eight different kinship terms for first cousins, but the two main classes are tang and biao cousins.

Essentially, you and your tang cousins share the same family name: they are the children of your father’s brothers. The rest are your biao cousins. Li Qingzhao and Madam Wang were biao cousins.

Your tang and biao cousins are in turn differentiated by age and gender. For example, the kinship term for a female tang cousin who’s older than you (tang jie) is different from the one for a male tang cousin who’s younger than you (tang di).

Some people differentiate between the types of biao cousins, whether they’re the children of your father’s sister (gu biao), your mother’s brother (jiu biao) or your mother’s sister (yi biao).

The Chinese patrilineal pattern of kinship means that tang cousins, with the same family name and line of descent, are considered closer kin than biao cousins. From a genetic perspective, however, there’s no difference between both classes of cousins.

In traditional Chinese families, tang cousins were practically siblings, especially if the whole extended family lived together under one roof.

In contrast, biao cousins, being thought sufficiently distant, could marry each other if they wished. In the famous 18th century Chinese novel Dream of the Red Chamber, the protagonist Jia Baoyu was in love with two cousins – Lin Daiyu, his father’s sister’s daughter, and Xue Baochai, his mother’s sister’s daughter. He eventually married the latter.

In 1981, China outlawed marriages between all first cousins, regardless of whether the people involved were tang or biao cousins.

I don’t have tang cousins because my father has no brothers. Through his sister, I have two biao cousins in Singapore, whom I’ve not seen for over 30 years.

I may have several dozen biao cousins on my mother’s side of the family because she has too many siblings and half-siblings to count, but I’ve never met most of them. I think I may have two biao cousins in Hong Kong in the form of my mother’s brother’s children, but we wouldn’t know we’re cousins if we walk past each other in the street.

While I share grandparents with all my first cousins, I have no real relationships with any of them. They are just strangers’ names on a family tree.

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